I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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