have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize