Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
where does the pee come out of this thing
time to smoke my breakfast
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
