Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
