I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
