Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
