At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
