her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
