I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
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