I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize