I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
