We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
