that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
