There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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