Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize