From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize