Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
