My underwear smells like fireworks.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
