i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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