You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
