she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
