Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
