I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
