Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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