nut hugger
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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