I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
