In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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