Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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