She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He? As in you personified your dick?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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