I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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