Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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