it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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