he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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