Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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