That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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