Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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