oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm at about main and main street
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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