So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
