As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
