Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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