whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize