Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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