my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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