ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
