so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize