What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
