he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This baby is an asshole
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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