he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
