Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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