Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
