so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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