I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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