That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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