I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
