i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
