Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he fucked my hip out of place.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
