New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
