I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You're like the curious george of whores
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
