Yo dont text me then not text me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
