Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
