I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
