Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
