wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
