so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
sarcasm needs its own font
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
