I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
