What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Randomize
