Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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