come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
