Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
