I bet he comes in French.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
