The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
