I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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