I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
