PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
