I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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