Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
