i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
