Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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