im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
