dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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