i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
