Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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