The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
