i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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