Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
