Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
