I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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