You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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