My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
