Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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