I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize