My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So. Much. Porn.
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