I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My feet surprised me
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