Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
